My Fear

Everybody has particular fear. If someone asks me what I am afraid of, I would not  be able to answer that question immediately. Why? It's because I have lots of fears: claustrophobia, fear of spiders, snakes, clowns,and fear of getting weight.

Firstly, I just HATE being locked. When I was five, I lived in Russia yet, and Russian elevators, believe me, are not clean and not bright. They rarely have mirrors. I was going to the kindergarten, and it was winter. As usual, I said goodbye to my parents and pushed the button to "call" the elevator. When it arrived, I just went in and pushed No. 1. Boom!  (ノ◇≦。)

The lights went out and it was quiet. I was alone. I couldn't feel or hear anything. Remember, I was only five years old! I didn't have any cell phones. Even though I could call the engineer downstairs through the interphone, I was just afraid... ・ﾟﾟ･(≧д≦)･ﾟﾟ･｡

I think I had waited inside the dark elevator about 30 minutes. Of course, that day, I just skipped the kindergarten (Luckily! ・ε・)

Still, I remember that day: alone in the dark elevator for half of the hour. Since then, I just can't ride an elevator alone, or if I need to ride in, I always check if it has mirrors or not. MIrrors help you to "widen" the sight, so it kind of helps you.

Secondly, I have both Ophidiophobia (fear of snakes) and Arachnophobia (fear of spiders). I know, I mean, I'm sure that I just can't stand those spiders, but I don't know why I hate snakes.

I don't like their hairy 8 legs, their big eyes, and their webs. And also about the snakes... You know how people hate things because they just can't stand them. Yes, this is that hatred. I JUST hate snakes. I just hate their appearance. I know that snakes are made for purpose, but for me, they are just big long worms who bite and it hurts a lot when they bite you.

When I was 11, my dad used to take me to the circus, and when I was there I always liked taking pictures with clowns. Their vivid colors, their big red nose, and their colorful hair - I liked them because they are funny and cute. But, when I came back one evening, I dreamed about clown eating my leg. I couldn't scream : I lost my voice. I could have knocked through the wall - but I couldn't move. It was a nightmare. Since then, I grew hatred toward the clowns in my heart.

  

Finally, as you know, I've lost 16 kilograms through hard effort, exercising diligently every day. Therefore, I've increased the fear of getting weight. My brain, my heart always tells me to stay out of all the sweet things: chocolates, marshmallows, jellys, cakes, and brownies. That fear grew so big that I refused to eat.



My mom became worried, so we went to the doctor. Dr. Lee told me that I was at the beginning stage of anorexia,; therefore, I needed to throw away all those ideas of getting weight and other stuffs. But I was still scared of getting fat and treated as an abnormal girl among all my skinny classmates.

I kind of passed through the hard time: I escaped of getting the REAL anorexia, but still I'm STILL scared of getting weight and becoming fat as I used to be 3 years ago...